Online Classes and following your dreams..

Recently I started a class online. It's for work so it's not SUPER exciting or anything, but it will help in the future in case anything happens to the job I'm at now. I think it's great that my boss is paying for me to learn how to do Database Management. But, I have been looking at the other classes they feature and I have to say that sooo many of them seem like they would really help me. I mean it's obvious that I love to write considering that I have a blog and everything..but I really want to learn how to be a better writer. I know my grammar isn't perfect and I could really use some tips on how to get different ideas and how to bring a story together, and I know a class would help me at least a little. I even started another book because I used to read all the time and I've kind of stopped since I moved back to Florida. It's just that I'm always doing SOMETHING I never have time for ME to just sit around and read. I'm either being dragged around by my friends to go out dancing or drinking or I have to work late or dinner needs to be made or I have to clean up or something gets in the way.

Lately though I've been finding time to sit and read or do origami, so I started to read this book called "I'd know you anywhere." It's been really good so far! I bought it while I was in Chicago, but I never read it because it wasn't on my list of books to read. I know that sounds silly since I bought the book to read it, but what I mean is I was trying to read life magazines list of 100 top english language books of all time. It really was great because I read a lot of books I otherwise might not have read. I still haven't finished the list though..I need to get back on that! Maybe once I'm done reading the book I'm on now and another book that I'm interested in, I'll get back to that list. In the mean time, just reading all these books will help me get more familiar with different styles of writing. Maybe one day when I'm more comfortable I'll write a book. I'm not even sure what it will be about, but I hope that I'll look back on this post and be happy to know that I achieved one of my dreams.

Google Translate

Ayer me pasé mucho tiempo pensando en lo que quería publicar. Yo tenía un montón de ideas diferentes, pero cada vez que trataba de sentarse y escribir me sentí confundida y mi mente se queda en blanco. Entonces tuve la idea, porque estaba escuchando música de una película de Bollywood. No podía recordar la traducción exacta de la canción, me recordó lo que me hizo sentir que yo sabía lo que estaba diciendo. Todavía me dio esa sensación, y yo podía entender por que lo que estaban tratando de expresar.

Así que ayer mi jefe me hablaba de traductor Google y cómo usted puede escribir lo que quiero escribir, en Inglés, y que sería su traducción a cualquier idioma que usted decide que quiere. Me gusta mucho la función, porque siempre he querido aprender español. Quiero decir que yo intentado muchas veces para escuchar a la gente habla español, escuchar música, ver programas diferentes y todavía me siento tan nervioso incluso a tratar de decir algo en español. Lo bueno de esto, una vez que se traduce para usted, puede desplazarse sobre la palabra en español y le mostrará que la palabra en Inglés que se traduce en. Voy a tratar de usar más a menudo y voy a leer lo que escribo en español hasta que empieza a calar y tener sentido. Hasta entonces la mayoría de mis mensajes estarán en Inglés por lo que no hay que preocuparse!

Passage to India

I had this super crazy dream last night. I usually remember my dreams, but never in such detail. I could almost feel the texture of things, or smell the scent of the flowers surrounding me. But this wasn't your ordinary dream. It almost seemed as if I was given the chance to look at a chapter of my life from long ago; maybe a life before this one. It started off with me moving to India;
but this seemed to be a long time ago..maybe early 1900's? When I arrived I was greeted by a royal family who adopted me. When we finally got back to the palace, we took a tour around their garden. It was soo beautiful with so many different flowers and bushes and exotic trees that I had never seen before. They had gazebos made of sea shells that glittered in the sunlight and glowed when the moonlight touched its surface. I even remember a photo being taken of my new family and me. They were such beautiful people inside and out. I was really enjoying my new life there; always heading to the gardens for some time to reflect. I remember it being very bright and hot out.
A year had passed and I was very satisfied with my life. We would always go every where together, my family and I..and we loved to take pictures. But one day we get a phone call from the US. They said it was for me. I don't remember the conversation that I had, but I remember shortly afterwards returning to the US. Something happened and I was no longer able to stay in India. I wish I would have known what happened to make me return.

Either way, I've always felt a connection to India. I sometimes wonder if maybe I was Indian in a past life; I've even had Indians joke with me about it because I kind of look Indian. But who knows, maybe I'll never know the truth.

Murder Victim

So yesterday my cousin invited Alex and I to a small family get together to honor a few birthdays. My Aunt Lucy was there and I was glad to see her because it had been so long since the last time I saw her. Even though I was never really close to her before (mainly because my mom and her didn’t get along), I felt really close to her this time. I think once you know how someone has been hurt in the past; you can’t help but analyze them. I couldn’t stop looking over at her, wondering: what is she thinking? We were watching this thing on tv about these women who have done horrible things like torture and murder. Some of them got away with it a few times and she seemed really bothered by it. She even asked if we could change the channel. I agreed that it was a bit graphic, even though it didn’t really bother me because I used to be really into forensics back when I was a teen. I just knew it was hitting a little too close to home for her. My mom recently told me a story about my aunt Lucy's past, and ever since I could no longer feel she’s done wrong by doing drugs and becoming an alcoholic. Not to say that it’s OK to do that, but I think that in order to survive for some people, they have to forget what has hurt them.

My aunt Lucy was always looked down upon by a lot of people in my family because she used to run away as a kid and would be missing for months at a time. My family knew that she was out partying, having sex and doing drugs. She used to hang out with this girl, her best friend, who had been a bad influence on her. They were both very pretty girls who liked to party and have fun, but would take it too far too many times. My grandparents finally told Lucy that she couldn’t hang out with her anymore. She had spent 2 weeks without her, staying home and I guess being a regular teen. She didn’t even go to her friend’s birthday party, which as sad as it was; probably a good thing. That night my aunt Lucy's friend was brutally murdered. They say that once everyone else had gone home, she stayed out with some guy who happened to be driving. That night she never came home. They ended up finding her badly beaten in an alley way somewhere in downtown Chicago. They had an open casket funeral because her parents wanted everyone to see what drugs and alcohol could do to you. My mom said that people could barely recognize her. They never found the killer.

Weeks later my aunt ran away, disappearing with her friends. When she returned she told my mom that when the cops saw her, they brought her in for questioning. They harassed her many times, even though my aunt explained that she hadn’t gone out that night. She wasn’t even allowed to. Yet they questioned her, showing her pics from the crime scene, asking if she knew who had done this to her friend.
She said those pics gave her nightmares. She kept seeing her friend's face all bloody with worms covering her eyes. Her friend would ask her in those dreams to find out who had killed her. She was only 15 when she died.

Now today, I look at my aunt in a different light, because I never knew she had experienced so much pain. I tried to think of how I would have handled something like that happening to one of my friends..it killed me. I wanted to go up to my aunt Lucy and hug her. Even her own children disrespect her for being the kind of person she was back then. Calling her a whore or a bitch..or even a drunk. All these people who are supposed to love her, hurt her..and she has already known so much pain. I think it’s good to know what has happened in people’s past. Even though she doesn’t know I know what happened, I feel like I can help her cope. Maybe one day she'll finally forget those nightmares that have haunted her for as long as she can remember.

It's been a long time..

I've been absent for a while on this thing. I think the main reason is because every time I think of something to post, I start to wonder if I'm giving too much information. I mean it would be one thing if all of my readers were complete strangers, but I know not all of you are. I don't know who reads this thing, and honestly I'm not really sure I want certain people knowing certain things about whats going on in my life. I would hate to have to constantly censor everything, and worry about what I write and who might see it. But I did find an old journal of mine when I moved to my new place. I always loved finding them and reading what I wrote down back in the day. I know one thing hasn't changed: I still love Alex. In fact he was one of my main topics..but shit what else is new? lol!

I do want to visit you guys more, I just need to figure out what it is I want to write? Maybe I can change the settings to be more private..too bad I can't block certain people. Anyway, I'm at work right now. Same place as before, only now I'm making more money and I'm in the IT Deptartment. Can you believe that? I went from being so broke all the time, barely making ends meet, depressed that I had reached such a pathetic existence to making an amazing salary! I used to scrounge for change; now it sits at the bottom of my purse and every few weeks its collected and added to my glass boot with the rest of them. It's funny how things change like that..hopefully it'll stay this way for a while.

Alex and I have a new place together..although it's not really new, and it's not even our place. We moved in with one of his brothers friends: Paul, his girlfriend Monica and their daughter Alexia. They're all very nice and the place is pretty cute too. Paul is a firefighter which I think is pretty cool. Monica is currently handicap. She had a bad accident and shattered her heel. I feel so bad for her. :( She seems to be a very sweet, loving person and it kills me to know she's gone through soo much pain recently. Then their daughter Alexia, who's 5, is soo cute! She looks just like her mommy, but has her daddy's light hair and eyes. I hope my children will be a nice mixture of me and Alex..that is of course if we end up having children.

So as far as I'm concerned, everything seems to be pretty good right now. I got a nice new place, a good paying job, a loving boyfriend and some what ok friends, lol just kidding! Talk to you guys soon, I promise!

Osama Bin Killed

Finally America has something to really celebrate! I honestly saw the news last night and thought for a minute that it was some kind of hoax or comedy channel. I jumped for joy once the story was confirmed and all the bees are buzzing about this victory.



Maybe to some people celebrating someones death is a horrible thing, but god damnit that asshole deserved it! He killed so many innocent people and he doesn't deserve to breathe!

Anyway, I really hope that with his death we can have a little bit of closure for all of the people who lost loved ones because of him and his followers. It goes to show that even the impossible endeavors can be completed if we don't give up.

I feel soo good today. Finally after 10 years we can say "WE GOT HIM!"

It's a good day to be an American!

Premarital sex and child neglect

It might not be much longer before I'm going to be moving again. Nothing drastic this time I swear! Alex and I were planning to get a house with our good friend Matt..but it turns out that despite the market right now, finding the perfect house that would fit our budget and also fit our needs as far as space and pets are concerned isn't exactly easy. We went to see a few houses, but they either needed too much fixing or they were already being snatched up by other buyers.

Anyway, just today Alex's dad made it clear that me spending the night is not ok because he doesn't think we should be having premarital sex. He's a jehovah's witness and he's become quite the religious man. Now I understand that that is how he chooses to live his life and all and it is his house, but who is he foolin? Alex is a grown man, and he's over here telling him that he can't shut his bedroom door when I'm over his house? I hate to say it pops but we've been intimate for a long time now, and just because you don't think it's right for us to be having sex doesn't take back all the times we did..or all the times in the future that will definitely present itself. We are both adults and it could be a hell of a lot worse..shit..Alex could be bringing over different girls every night. But that's not the case, Alex and I have been dating for 3 years now (even though I was in Chicago for 10 months) and it's a pretty well known fact that we are inseparable. (Contradiction)

Good thing is I'll be able to get away from my mother. I know it sounds terrible, but honest to god, her negativity drives me up the wall. I wish you guys could see how she answers me when I try talking to her. I'll ask her a simple question and she barks at me like some hostile dog within a fenced in yard. I really don't get it sometimes. I know she's broke all the time and she obviously has some kind of mental issue but I'm always trying to help her. I even paid for her to get a better phone and all she does is bitch about every little thing she doesn't like about it. It's like gee thanks mom, glad you really like your new phone that I paid for..it's not my fault you're set in your ways and learning something new is not only impossible but absolutely ridiculous. Give me some credit here. Be thankful that I'm not so bitter to not talk to you anymore..considering all that she put me through back in '06. Don't even get me started because it's an ugly story that should honestly be buried deep in the woods and forgotten forever if I ever want to live a normal life.

Who I am today is based solely on where I've been and where I choose to go in the future. I've seen a lot of things in the past that changed how I look at life and how I choose to react to certain situations. I remember once watching through the screen door as handcuffs were being tightened up on my mothers wrists. At the time I was so angry at the cops for putting my mom through that kind of pain. She was crying and pleading with them, but cops don't really care what life has done to you. I was 14 years old at the time and my brother was only 10. My mom went to jail and Anthony I were stuck fending for ourselves for a few days while my mom was being charged with child neglect. Yet who neglected to make sure that my brother and I were going to be taken care of? Why would the cops just leave us there?? We survived, but it was very scary at night. All I could think about was someone breaking into the house and me being 100% responsible for my brothers welfare. I know my mom should have done things differently, but who am I to tell her how to raise her kids. I never had kids. But at that stage in my life, as young as I was, I got a tough look at what it means to live in the real world. But guess what? I'm still alive and breathing! It could have been a lot worse..that's my freaking motto.